When tempted to judge and condemn,
Choose instead curiosity.
When tempted to hate and despise,
Choose instead compassion.
When we choose forgiveness, we make the decision to conquer our pride and our need to be right. We choose a path that requires effort, but that is oh, so very worth it. Curiosity and compassion allow us to view our problems from a wiser, kinder perspective.
My anger is trying to tell me something. Anger always carries information, but its message is seldom immediately clear. Befriending anger includes finding ways to retrieve this message.
~Evelyn Eaton Whitehead and James D. Whitehead
Our emotions hold the key to our souls. They give us clues as to what we need to know about our true selves. We can use those clues to understand ourselves better. Once we understand our anger, we can work on resolving whatever issues are causing it. And that leads to peace of mind, better relationships, and spiritual growth.
There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.
~ Martin Luther King Jr.
It’s very easy to demonize people who hurt us and look at them as objects that cause harm, not imperfect humans who are hurting like us. We may put people in good and bad boxes, refusing to let them out, and ignore Bible verses like Luke 6:27 that say “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you.” Remembering that we all struggle helps us forgive both others and ourselves.
Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing.
~August Wilson
Forgiveness takes courage. Why? Because we must overcome shame and blame, and accept the things about ourselves and others that have caused pain. Struggling with our fears opens the door to our angels, who may be in human or spirit form, and who can help us overcome our darkness.
I want to be remembered for my kindness, for showing up, for giving second chances, for acknowledging my own toxic traits and for loving selflessly. If that isn’t it, then I failed horribly. Remember to extend grace because we’re all just walking each other home.
~Happy Soul
It’s important to ask ourselves what kind of person we want to be. The peace that comes with forgiveness is based on being true to oneself. Many of us want to be forgiving, but our pride and egos stand in the way. We’re afraid to admit our faults and we don’t want to be softies who get taken advantage of. But forgiveness isn’t about excusing or condoning bad behavior. It’s about justice and mercy; the creation of a fearless spirit and a kind heart.
Take forgiveness slowly. Don’t blame yourself for being slow. Peace will come.
~Yoko Ono
Genuine, deep forgiveness takes time because we have to work on understanding our pain. We need to know why we are hurting. Once we’ve processed our pain, we can start working on changing our perspective. We don’t forget our hurtful story; we remember it in a new way. A way that will bring us more peace, better relationships, and growth.
Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.
~Maya Angelou
We’re all doing the best we can and we’re all on different paths to growth. Let’s be gentle with each other. We cannot do what we have not yet learned. Understanding comes with time and experience. Keep learning.
“The Other Serenity Prayer” by Eleanor Brown
God grant me the serenity to stop beating myself up for not doing things perfectly,
The courage to forgive myself because I’m working on doing things better,
And the wisdom to know that you already love me just the way I am.
Self-forgiveness can be harder than forgiving others. When we accept our own strengths and weaknesses, we are more able to extend compassion to others. Letting go of the idea that we should be perfect and not make mistakes gives us the freedom we need to learn and grow.
When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we’re not alone.
~Fred Rogers
I recently held a series of in-person forgiveness conversations. It’s great to read about forgiveness, and my book, Being Human Is Hard: Choose Forgiveness, includes many stories that can help guide and inspire us. But it’s also important to talk about what we’ve read and how we feel about it.
I’ll be posting a series of quotes – like the one above from Mister Rogers – that were group favorites. Connections to people with whom we can share our thoughts and feelings safely is vital to healing from a major transgression. As one participant noted, “Dangerous thoughts lose their power when you express them.” We all face hardship, and our journey is made easier when we support each other.
Are you interested in forgiveness coaching sessions?
As many of you know, I’ve been researching, writing, and teaching about forgiveness for ten years. Recently, I completed a forgiveness coaching program so that I can guide individuals and groups down a healing path that leads to peace, better relationships, and personal growth.
If you would like to let go of hurts or disappointments that are causing you pain, I invite you to contact me regarding forgiveness coaching that I am offering free of charge for a limited time. Sessions can take place in person or virtually through Zoom. To find out more, please contact me at christyheacock@gmail.com or 605-390-3869.
You are welcome to share this information. Thank you!
Choose Forgiveness 