Wondering what to get and give for Christmas and the holidays? I suggest the gift that fits every budget: forgiveness.
2020 has been a tough year for many of us. COVID-19, divisive politics, natural disasters and more have created mental and spiritual anguish. We may find ourselves with relationships that need mending, regrets that need healing, and anger that needs to be transformed into more thoughtful, productive energy. Forgiveness has been a method of lightening our burdens and spreading joy for millenniums and is a caring, priceless gift to give ourselves and others.
Forgiveness Is the Gift of Freedom from Past Pain and Hope for the Future
When I was young, I was uplifted by hearing Janis Joplin singing, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” Those words helped me accept my past mistakes and losses, plus reminded me to lose my expectations and desires for a perfect life so I could experience freedom. Freedom to create new ways of thinking. Freedom to just enjoy being me.
We experience freedom when we let go of rigid beliefs as to what we and others should be. Life is inevitably full of struggle with detours and wrong turns along the way. Shoulding all over ourselves and others is rarely beneficial.
When Plan A goes amiss, we don’t have to beat ourselves or anyone else up about it. We can instead free ourselves of unworkable expectations, accept and make peace with the past, and embrace the opportunity we have to learn, grow, and create a Plan B, C, or D (whatever it takes). We can break free of the personal prison we create when we become entangled in destructive thoughts and emotions. The gift of amazing grace is waiting for us to graciously receive it and extend it to others.
We’re All a Little Crazy Sometimes and Need the Gift of Forgiveness
If you’re feeling a little crazy, you’re not alone. We all deal with tough stuff at some point in our lives and 2020 has been a challenge for most of us. You don’t have to be hard on yourself even if life is being hard on you. Give yourself some love and forgiveness and pass it on.
If we think everyone else has the glorious life we often see on social media or cherry-picked holiday card narratives, our stress is compounded by shame, confusion, and loneliness. Sometimes just knowing we’re not alone helps us understand and accept ourselves better. A person once told me, “I found out other people were feeling what I was and so either I wasn’t crazy, or we were all crazy together. Either way, I was comforted.”
A long time ago, a book called I’m Okay, You’re Okay inspired me to work towards more humility and acceptance of what I am and what others are. I don’t like being burdened and in pain due to bitterness, resentment, pride, or fear. The joy I receive by letting go of troublesome, detrimental thoughts and emotions motivates me to forgive myself for being less than I’d like to be; to forgive others because they’re just being themselves and doing the best they can; to forgive the Creator because there’s good out there, all the time, and I can work on becoming a small part of that.
Forgiveness Is For Giving
Forgiveness is a wonderful gift to give ourselves, and once we do, we can give more of ourselves to others. Unforgiving people tend to be angry, bitter, distrustful, and arrogant. They may create headlines and add a lot of drama to life, but at what cost? At times, it does feel good to vent about the things that frustrate and disappoint us, but a steady diet of rage and stress creates a cortisol overload that damages our physical health as well as hardens our hearts (figuratively and literally).
When I’m being unforgiving, I don’t have much good to give. It’s likely I’ll add to my list of regrets and shameful behaviors, not my list of generous gifts of kindness. I realize my naughty list will inevitably grow, but I do try to keep my numbers down. Accepting myself and others, reminding myself that the world doesn’t exist just to please me, and evaluating a painful situation with curiosity and compassion, rather than self-righteous indignation or pity helps.
When we unwrap the gift of forgiveness, we are delighted to find freedom from hostility, resentment, and shame. We discover the compassion needed to accept and understand human weaknesses (our own and others) and the strength and courage needed to create a brighter future.
Give yourself and others the gift wise philosophers and spiritual leaders throughout history have advised generously sharing: forgiveness.